If I could write a letter to me... I would definately write it to when I was 17. Oh man this sounds like the Brad Paisley song. But really I would. That year of my life was one of the most changing times of my life. I fell in love for the first time. Then I lost my Memaw. Then my heart was broken and later it was healed. It was a year of highs and lows, peaks and valleys, gains and losses. When it comes down to it, 1997 was my "butterfly effect " year... the choices I made in that year changed my life for the rest of my life. I look back on that year and think what if I didnt do this. What if I didnt do that.... I wish I could go back and tell myself that the love you had is nothing compared to what you will have. The loss you have will not compare to the gains you will receive. Most of all cherish the time you have with people that you will never see again. And finally I have learned that Wisdom is knowledge gained after you have made the wrong descisions. Live Laugh and Love the life you have and always remember the descisions you make today will be the wisdom you gain for tomorrow

I need nothing from you!

I went today and did something I never in a million years thought I would be able to do. I went into a court house and signed a piece of paper that releases Dan from paying child support. When Dan and I got divorced, I was making ALOT less than Dan was... He was paying then $400.00 a month. Then he took me to court to get that lowered shortly after I got married. And then he was ordered to pay $141.60. I thought this was unfair and I let him know it. He made $7.50 an hour more than I did. I begged and pleaded, for him not to do this b/c I would not be able to make it. His answer to me was "you should have thought about that, and went to college or had a skill so you could make more money". Yeah what a dream guy huh... now ladies let me hold you back b/c he is "happily" married.

But now I make less than $1 an hour than he does. Still with no degree, with no "skill" to speak of.... except for this... I work at the same place that I have for 6 years and with my hard work and devotion to my work. I have been recognized for the skill and talent I have for my craft of editting and quality assurance. I have received a promotion for all of this hard work. I now manage my own platform and I am single-handedly reforming a platform to have specifications to their manuals for consistancy. None fo which would be possible with the one thing..... My Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I am all that I am b/c of Him and Him alone. And today I became liberated by being able to sign a paper that says for the first time in my life I need no ones monetary support!! I would also like to say that without the loving support of my most wonderful husband I would not be able to do this either!


Lawyer Fees: $500
Time off of work: $100
Being woman enough to do a man's job: Priceless!

God Only Knows....

10 years ago today my world became brighter because God chose me to be Lexie's mommy. I can not describe in words the love I feel for my kids. I was 19 when I had Lexie. I didn't know how drastically my life would change at the time. But I do clearly remembering looking over at her screaming her little head off while they were checking her all out... and I was looking at her going oh my gosh I am a mommy. Then going OH MY GOSH I AM A MOMMY! Scary stuff at 19. I see girls who are 19 and I think oh my goodness, that is how old I was when I had Lexie. I am proud of the job I did. I have often wanted to change the fact that I was a young mother. Just thinking if I could have gone to college, if I would have done this or that differently, this would have been better. But what I have come to figure out is that I am the person and mother I am b/c I did have them when I was young. We have been able to grow together; I have so much fun with them! I always tell that my song to them is God Only Knows by the beach boys. Not all the lyrics fit like the first verse is I may not always love you... of course that isnt true but all of the other is a perfect description of my view of them. If I were to start my life over and not have Lexie when I did.... God Only Knows what I'd be.

I may not always love you
But long as there are stars above you
You never need to doubt it
Ill make you so sure about it

God only knows what Id be without you

If you should ever leave me
Though life would still go on believe me
The world could show nothing to me
So what good would living do me

God only knows what Id be without you
God only knows what Id be without you

If you should ever leave me
Well life would still go on believe me
The world could show nothing to me
So what good would living do me

God only knows what Id be without


HAPPY 10th BIRTHDAY MY SWEET MONKEY GIRL! I LOVE YOU!!!!